I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
