How'd it feel making her break her religion?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
