Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
