those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
