If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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