I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
