but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
