So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
