i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you traded sex for a burrito?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
