I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
