Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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