Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
