wakey wakey hands off snakey
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she peed on how many people?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
