I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize