my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
