omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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