Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
