Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
