I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
that is very illegal...i love you.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
