Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
