I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
