I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm too high and old for this...
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