There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
