gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
