well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
