Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize