Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
