A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
