fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
