i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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