im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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