The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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