y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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