i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
