Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
