I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
