During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
