i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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