Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
