I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
