dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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