the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
