So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
