i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
