He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
