So drunk its hurt
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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