please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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