You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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