so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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