you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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