God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
