my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
