you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
