took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
