Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
