I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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