i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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