wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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