Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
