You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
