I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
