That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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