overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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