Non-Jews are for practice
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
