I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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