She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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