i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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