He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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