Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
