you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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