Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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