Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
