Will you blow on my dice?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
