So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
