hotel room ftw
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
