I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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