I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
