video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Your penis caused this!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
