dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
