Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
